Poster child for the New Morality
With two Best Actress Oscars in as many nominations, Hilary Swank has entered a rare pantheon in her craft. However, the bigger news is the message the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is sending the rest of us with these (and other) Oscar awards. That message is that your grandmother's morality is no longer relevant. We can make heroes out of wounded, hurting individuals who justify aberrant life (and death) choices by virtue of their victimization at the hands of "God" and others. The rest of us are expected to blindly develop the "compassion" that blesses these abominable choices as not only understandable, but even necessary, responses to personal tragedy.

In this climate of humanist pedantry, few will dare to closely examine how the choices made by these "heroines" Swank has portrayed so skillfully contributed to their eventual untimely demises. Such is the culture that it seldom crosses the mind that Hollywood's obsession with gender-bending might have dramatic and unpleasant consequences in people's lives.

Teena Brandon, the pathetically confused young woman who was murdered in 1993, along with two others, was a liar, thief and emotional predator. A victim of sexual abuse for several years as a young child, Brandon made the self-protective choice to adopt a male persona as a way to protect herself from ever being touched by a man again. Understandable? Certainly. Harmless? Hardly. Passing bad checks and pursuing intimate relationships with women while disguised as a man are reflections of bad character, not gender confusion.
I can already hear the rising chorus of the indoctrinated raised up in protest. "Desperate people do desparate things!" Or, "If society was more accepting of people with different identities, then they wouldn't have to lie!" Like the terrorists in the Middle East, personal suffering and deprivation excuses the harm they inflict on others.

Do I believe that Teena Brandon deserved to die for her sins? No more than do I. And no less. Oh, did I forget to mention that I believe that ALL sins deserve death? At least that's the perspective of a holy God. But it's also the reason that Jesus said to the group of men ready to stone the woman caught in adultery, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone." Of course, I don't advocate murder for any reason, but there was more than a history of sexual abuse that put Teena Brandon in the company of the men who would eventually kill her.

No, my objection is to Hollywood preaching its own version of the Gospel. The Good News from Hollywood is that the more outrageous, deviant and tragic the story of your life and death is, the more of hero they can make out of you. Not to mention the more money they will make doing so. These are the martyrs of the new faith and the doctrine of all-acceptance. Their deaths are immortalized so that society can be persuaded to allow anything in the area of personal conduct, without regard to millenia of history which points to the contrary.

I have much less to say about Ms. Swank's most recent trophy winning performance. I've heard the plot outline, which attempts to glorify the choice of assisted suicide in the face of a life lived in a wheelchair. If you read my last post re: the 'brave' death of Hunter S. Thompson, you know where I stand on that issue.
About the only thing I have to say based on my limited knowledge of the story is that of all the career choices available to women in this society, boxing has to be about the dumbest and least suitable. Before the femi-Nazis get started, let me say clearly that I also believe it to be a pretty stupid choice for men. Volunteering for brain damage just strikes me that way.

Of course, Clint Eastwood could have chosen to do a real heroic story about someone in the same situation -- a young, beautiful, athletic woman who was put into a wheelchair for life by a tragic accident. However, this woman made a totally different choice, and 30 years later, she is still living a vibrant, meaningful and purpose-driven life in Christ. But I guess the life story of Joni Earickson Tada might not have sold tickets or won him multiple Oscars. And it certainly wouldn't have delivered the message the Academy (and the Hollywood machine in general) so desparately wants us to get.

As I bid farewell to the mind poison that is TV, I am starting to wonder if movies can be far behind, based on this evident agenda from those who make them?

This world is full of Teena Brandons and Maggie Fitzgeralds who have been so cruelly hurt by life and by others. What they need is not to be made to into icons for the New Morality, but the compassion and hope of Jesus Christ to find the promise of healing and restoration from their wounds. Being wounded doesn't justify deceit, thievery or violence. Especially to oneself.

I have been challenged in recent days to balance empathy for the pain of hurting people with the true compassion of Christ which understands that the only lasting relief from these types of wounds lies in speaking the uncompromised truth in love. Out of concern for the inevitable tragedy that looms when such a person tries to take care of their hurts "by any means necessary".
- posted by The Drake @ 9:25 AM 1 comments

 
What a Crock!
Found the following during my lunchtime browsing of Drudge. The first public comments of Hunter S. Thompson's widow.

Reading things like this makes me realize how far I have yet to go in my development of Christian character. It's only after I get over my indignation and outrage over this unblinking, self-satisfied, amoral idiocy that I reflect on how sad it really is that people are so completely lost that they can do and say such things with a straight face.

My only prior opinion of Mr. Thompson was formed through a guy I used to work with when I waited on tables at a TGIFriday's. This guy was around 30, living at home with his parents, smoking dope and drinking way too much for his diabetic condition. The last time I saw him, he was about 42, waiting on me at Friday's, probably still living at home, smoking dope and drinking way too much for his diabetic condition. Hunter S. Thompson was one of this guy's philosophic heroes. 'Nuf said.

So while the world, including my broken-down waiter acquaintance (if he hasn't killed himself already), celebrates the memory of this 'great' man, all I can see is tragic waste. Maybe he was a great and talented writer, but apparently he never obtained enough wisdom to keep from destroying himself. His widow is now making her comments about how this ultimate act of self-absorption was a brave and noble thing, and how Mr. Thompson was content and happy in his decision.

Sorry to break it to you, Mrs. Thompson, but I seriously doubt your late husband would describe his current situation as one of either happiness or contentment.
- posted by The Drake @ 12:48 PM 1 comments

 
Welcome to The Occupation
I am starting to get a feeling what it must be like for the Iraqis. For the second time in less than a year, I am working in an IT department that is being besieged by a sudden influx of Indian-born consultants who are here to transfer knowledge of what is done here to the shores of their motherland.

Politics aside, this temporary state of imposed multi-culturalism raises more than a few hackles and creates a fairly depressing work environment.

Although I am not personally affected to a great extent by this Hindu invasion, it really does feel like a foreign occupation. Granted, the allusion to Iraq is a bit overstated. There are no smoldering wrecks of cubicles caused by tank rounds into suspected nests of 'tecno-insurgents', nor are we experiencing the loss of basic necessities like electricity and running water. But there is an invaded feel.

Besides the loss of dozens of jobs, there is the looming specter of having to rely on the tenuous (at best) understanding of people half a world away who understand English little -- and American business less -- to get things done. The whole thing is really causing me to reconsider my whole career path. Oh well, at least they won't be here anymore.

The biggest issues I have with these guys at the moment is that they don't seem to understand basic interpersonal courtesies. The concept of personal space, for instance, seems to be completely alien to them. I guess that's a natural consequence of being born and raised in a country where the population density is about 800 times what it is here. Still, that's no excuse for someone just walking into my cube, reaching over my shoulder while I'm on the phone, grabbing my mouse and proceeding to 'show' me something they think is critically important.

OK Haji, step back from the Drake! If I can touch you with my outstretched arm and smell the curry on your breath, you are in my personal bubble. Not good! Moreover, if I am on the phone, come back later. Send an email! Make a phone call! Don't just start talking in my ear. It may not seem like it to you, but I may be involved in an important conversation with someone who has the power to revoke your H1B visa. And NEVER, EVER TOUCH MY MOUSE!!! It's a common practice here in the cubicle world of corporate America to stand OUTSIDE the cube until invited in. I personally knock on top on the cube wall to alert the occupant to my presence. Maybe it's just an American thing. I don't know. But I was raised to be considerate of other people's space, and I think it's a good thing.

Then there are the phone conversations. I have six-foot high cube walls, and if I can hear you talking on the phone several cubes over, you are talking too loud! I can only imagine the discomfort of the poor schmuck on the other end of the phone! Again, I imagine that striving to be heard in a country of over a billion people necessitates some loud talking, but you are in America now. We only yell at the TV during football games. Oh wait, that's just me. :)

Finally, there is the issue of understanding. You were sent here to take jobs away from my friends, neighbors, fellow countrymen and, quite possibly, myself. Nobody really wants to talk to you, but economics and professionalism insist that we must tell you what we know. However, it would behoove you to get it on the first try. Don't just sit there nodding your head and saying, "Yes, yes," if you don't understand what I'm saying. I personally figure that if the company that lured my employer into selling these jobs overseas can't ensure that you are competent and able to understand conversational English and American cultural idioms, that's there problem. My comrades and I have spent years of our adult lives studying and working to become productive professionals in the IT field. We are good, and if you can't cut it, that only serves to validate us. Yet there seems to be a sense of superiority coming across incongruously with your inability to perform -- or even understand -- the most basic day-to-day tasks that we could do in our sleep.

Good luck with your new jobs. I, for one, will be here ready to remind the morons who signed this stupid deal that, in this world, you get what you pay for.

Oh, and by the way, I ate steak for dinner last night.
- posted by The Drake @ 9:00 AM 4 comments

 
Getting the worm, and other random thoughts...
Today was a rare day on which I was glad to be up and on the road by 6 AM. The snow had just started, barely more than a flake in depth on the sidewalk and cars, when I cranked up the old minivan for my 45-minute commute along the Ohio and into the 'Burgh.

Road conditions detiorated rapidly, as the storm apparently was not on ANYONE'S radar and no salt trucks were seen until I was nearly into the city. After one near collision at a red light in Ambridge, 15 minutes into my journey, I left no less than 3 car lengths between me and the person in front from then on.

I made it to work at my usual time, only to sit around and wait for everyone else who had to deal with the inevitable traffic headaches that I gotten out ahead of.

So it's been snowing all day, and I am reminded of long-since-forgotten childhood memories of the wonder, joy and excitement of waking up to the surprise of a sudden snowfall that cancelled school. What a great time! My dad, like myself this morning, had long ago braved the roads to get to work. So my sister and myself had a full day alone with mom -- a respite from the usual insanity and stress that usually came with being a healthy male child living under the same roof with a rage-aholic father.

We would jump into our snowsuits, boots, mittens and hats and go off exploring the pristine, white, chilly beauty that God had laid down on our otherwise dreary, winter world. Digging tunnels into snow drifts, building snow forts, sledding down the quarter mile hill along the natural gas pipeline that was near my house and, best of all, coming home to hot chocolate and Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup form some of the few happy childhood memories I can recall. But all too soon, the old man would return from work, none too happy from having to deal with the bad roads and idiot drivers, and we'd all get back to the grim business of survival.

I haven't spoken with my father in over two years, after an angry email exchange over my announcement of my impending union with D., the union being defined as making an offer on a house together in the town where I grew up and intention to marry shortly thereafter. It would be too tedious and boring to go into all the reasons why this caused our falling out, but suffice it to say that I have always found it difficult to say or do anything involving my father that didn't elicit criticism or condemnation. So I decided, for at least the third time in my adult life, to just save myself the pain and cut him out of my life.

I have been re-thinking my position of late, as I continue to seek the Lord's healing and blessing in my life. You see, my father has been slowly dying of cancer for a few years now. He was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 1992, and apparently was not given the proper follow up care after having it removed. Now he has tumors popping up everywhere, and this after having a surgery to remove a fairly large one from his neck and another to remove part of his lung. Our falling out came about a year after that last surgery.

My battle comes not so much from an unwillingness to forgive, but from a reluctance to be hurt all over again -- both from his words and his suffering. There is something very threatening to me about facing the demise of the man who caused me so much pain throughout my life. Part of it comes from the fear that there will never be closure for all the wrongs of the past. But I think the biggest fear I have is facing my true feelings for him that were long ago stuffed back down into the recesses of my psyche.

I mean, what little boy doesn't crave the love, attention and approval of his father? The only feelings I can identify in myself for the man are those of sadness, pity and resentment. I am so sad that I have never known what it was like to have a real father. I pity the man who has claimed to have accepted Christ as Savior, but has never really demonstrated any discernible joy in it. Finally, I resent all of the pain he has caused me and his failure to ever really support or affirm me.

Yet I sense in my soul that there is also that childlike love, buried so deep inside of myself that I can barely conceive it exists. For so long, I've simply regarded my father as just another legalistic asshole to be avoided. To face the possibility that there might be more depth to my feelings than that threatens to undo me.

I feel as if I will die if I dare experience what I've locked away for these forty-plus years.

Perhaps there is a purpose to this. Must I be broken in this way?

I fear the answer.
- posted by The Drake @ 1:44 PM 1 comments

 
TV No More!
Today I will be cancelling my DISH Network subscription. It is something I have needed to do for quite a long time, as TV watching is the place where my addictive nature is currently taking refuge.

Why, you may ask, would I be doing something so drastic? Couldn't I just not watch so much TV? No, not really. At this point in my life, I am just powerless over this addiction. Moreover, I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching lately, and I've come to recognize that television offers nothing of benefit to my life. There is nothing that I need to know from TV programming that I either need to live my life to its fullest or that I can't get from some other source like the Internet.

Far from being just a benign waste of my time, I've come to the conclusion that my obsessive TV watching is actually quite harmful to me. I've given literally years of my life to sitting glassy-eyed and open-mouthed like a drooling retard in front of this glowing box. And for what? To laugh at stuff that isn't really all that funny when you stop and think about it? To be inspired by a vision of life that brings closure to even the most devastating problems in 60 minutes or less? To be spoonfed leftist, socialist propaganda, the underlying assumptions of which are completely contrary to my faith, which are neatly packaged and presented through the largesse of multi-billion dollar corporations whose only objective is to get me to spend my money on stuff I mostly don't need?

Don't get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoy it. Addictions are generally not painful, at least not while you are indulging in them. It's the aftermath that's the killer, when you wake up to a rare moment of lucidity to catch a glimpse of the smoldering ruins of what used to be your life, your relationships, your loves, your passion for life. In those moments of despair, I have a choice: to either scurry back into my electronic womb or take some drastic action to stem the hemorrhaging of my soul, wake myself up and get the help I need to face the deep pain that brought me to this state.

Two years ago I stopped smoking. A year ago I stopped swinging. It's been two months since I've smoked pot, and a month since I got off on Internet porn. But nature abhors a vacuum, so all of the yearning and longing and desparation not to feel (read: be overwhelmed and consumed) by the soaked-in angst accumulated over a lifetime of neglect, abuse, abandonment, self-centeredness, denial, indulgence, bitterness, anger, isolation, and destructive behavior has planted my fat ass in my recliner every night so I can drift away into the nothingness that I feel I am.

This latest decision is going to leave me with very little room to hide myself from myself. So what will step into this void? Well, hopefully recovery. Real, honest recovery where I actually DO something with the knowledge that God has given me. A recovery that's characterized by a Drake who's able to stand tall and confident in who he is, blemishes and all. A Drake who's able to reach out to other human beings in a real and meaningful way and let them in, instead of keeping them at arm's length or pushing them away altogether. A Drake who accepts his circumstances as the Will of the Father and seeks to constantly find a way to give thanks for them, no matter the amount of physical or emotional pain that accompanies them. A Drake who sincerely cares about other people and THEIR pain and circumstances, to the point where real involvement is possible.

A Drake who can not only truly give, but truly receive...

Shalom!
- posted by The Drake @ 9:56 AM 5 comments

 
Data Nazi No More!
In case you hadn't noticed, I've changed my handle from The Data Nazi to The Drake. I've done so because I've been increasingly uncomfortable with the incongruity with the whole Nazi part and my personal beliefs and because people are pretty clueless when it comes to interpreting things like why I called myself the Data Nazi in the first place.

This was confirmed last week by some fool who just couldn't get a grasp on the irony of the name and chose to characterize me as some sort of skin-head rather than engage in honest debate about the issue at hand.

Anyway, this was just enough of an annoyance to push me to the decision I was already leaning toward.

One has to make accomodations for the weak minded.
- posted by The Drake @ 11:56 AM 1 comments

 
Futility No More!
"It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel." Proverbs 20:3

Last week, I spent a few very frustrating minutes trying to talk sense to some fellow bloggers on another site that most of you would call Liberal. I have decided to abandon such convenient labels, as they only serve to paint individuals into corners where they don't necessarily belong.

While it's true that most of my political views can be labelled conservative, my social views tend to be less easily defined. I'm sure there are those whose politics lean left, but whose moral and social conscience more closely resembles my own. I haven't met any yet, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

Instead, I have chosen refer to your average, run-of-the-mill, parroting, liberal types collectively as The Clueless. It is pointless to debate politics with them, as they have a blind commitment to that which they do not understand. Not all Liberals are Clueless, and many Conservatives are. Whatever their stripe, The Clueless all have the following in common:

1. The Clueless don't understand the nature of man. They believe that man is possessed of inherently good intentions and not naturally inclined to do evil. The fact that evil is in evidence everywhere around them will not deter them. Their response is that the 'corrupted' institutions of society and the oppression of the few over the many are responsible for the evil that we do. From blaming the lack of social programs and poverty for the rise in crime among urban youth to asserting that our capitalist system incites the hordes of jihadi abroad, The Clueless are quick to blame everyone but the perpetrators.

However, the Scripture -- and common sense -- teaches us a very different view of man. Man is possessed of many wonderful gifts, borne in the image of our Creator, but his natural inclination is to serve self interests over all others and to use whatever means necessary to acquire what we want. An honest person will recognize that most of our moral behavior is coerced in one way or another -- whether by force of law, the necessity of cooperation with others to achieve our own aims, or outright fear of God. The latter is also known as the beginning of wisdom.

2. The Clueless don't understand God. Some deny His existence altogether, but most simply make Him up in their imaginations to conform to their self-serving agendas. Thus, words like justice, compassion and moral become twisted into aberrations of what the God of the Bible says they are. Justice becomes the platform by which anyone can live in any way they want to, regardless of the damage it does to others and society. Compassion becomes the knee-jerk search for an excuse as to why someone or some group of people do wrong -- committing violence, neglect or robbery on others. And morality? Forget about it! Morality is now defined as blind adherence to whatever group or agenda has managed to get its message adopted by the media.

To The Clueness, God is either absent, unconcerned or uninvolved in events here on the planet. Nothing could be further from the truth. Jesus Christ came to establish His Kingdom by first procuring His people through His death on the Cross and His Resurrection from the dead. He is coming back to rule over this earth, and those who fight against Him both now and at His return will be in sorry shape. It's irrelevant what your politics are at that point, so I've given up having these pointless debates. The 'evangelical right' might be happy with the way things are now that they've got four more years, but I'm not. Our country is losing its place in moral leadership. We've been co-opted by rampant consumerism, greed, hedonism, and apathy. Children are being abused, neglected, abandoned, and murdered in the womb so as not to impede our progress on this hamster wheel of life we've chosen for ourselves.

I heard an alarming statistic in church yesterday. The preacher stated that if the top 10 richest nations in the world gave 10% of their resources to the needy in this world, we would eliminate world hunger and be able to provide basic healthcare to everyone in the world. There's something seriously fucked up when children in our own backyard go hungry at night, but it's no less fucked up that people would rather sit at home and collect welfare than do an honest day's work.

We're sending some college kids on a short term mission trip to Jamaica. The place where I took my honeymoon is home to some of the worst poverty in this hemisphere. How many pairs of shoes do you have? I have 10, including 2 pair just for golf. Most women in my Sunday school class confessed to having over 25. Compared to that, a Jamaican male being served by this mission trip will be happy to have a pair of used women's shoes with the toes cut off.

Kinda puts it into perspective, doesn't it?

So go ahead and continue this endless back and forth about how Bush is a liar, and how those of us who voted for him are blind and stupid, and how our country is being ruined by this administration. I'm done with it. George W. Bush is not my king. Jesus is.

Shalom.
- posted by The Drake @ 11:50 AM 2 comments

 
Woo Hoo! I've always wanted to be part of the Team!

Only because I prefer younger women to my ideals. Otherwise, I guess I would have been Cyclops. I think I like this guy better. You scored as Colossus. Cyclops 85% Colossus 85% Banshee 80% Beast 70% Nightcrawler 70% Rogue 65% Shadowcat 60% Professor X 60% Wolverine 50% Storm 45% Iceman 45% Archangel 45% Jean Grey 30% Which X-Men member are You? created with QuizFarm.com

- posted by The Drake @ 7:51 AM 0 comments

 
Lifted from the Urban Princess:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5 am. I need a nap!
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw? Cellular. very good flick.
4. What is your favorite TV show? The West Wing.
5. What did you have for breakfast? Oatmeal with 2% milk, peach mango flavoring and 2 packets of Equal.
6. Beach or mountains? Mountains, totally.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Thai.
8. What foods do you dislike? green peppers, Miracle Whip (it's NOT mayonnaise, people!)
9. What are your favorite Potato chips? sour cream and onion
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
11. What kind of car do your drive? chevy Venture (i know, i'm a soccer mom)
12. Favorite sandwich? Reuben
13. What characteristics do you despise? dishonesty, stupidity
14. What is your favorite item of clothing? my carpenter pants. i don't feel so fat in them.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? the Caribbean
16. What color is your bathroom? celery wallpaper, and burnt orange tile. ugh, i hate it!
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Levis
18. Where would you like to retire to, if money weren't an object? Arizona or San Diego
19. Favorite time of day? sunrise
20. Where were you born? sewickely, pa
21. Favorite sport to watch? football
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? stupid question, considering i'm not sending it to anyone.
23. Person you expect to send it back first? read previous
24. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide, Gain or Purex -- whatever strikes me at the time
25. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Pepsi
26. Are you a morning person or night owl? morning person
27. What is your shoe size? 11
28. Do you have any pets? yes, Neo the cat and Maddie the Shih Tzu
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family and friends? i might be getting a new job
30. What did you want to be when you grew up? a novelist
- posted by The Drake @ 10:37 AM 0 comments

 
Why Shalom?
It just occurred to me that I've been closing my posts recently with this traditional Hebrew greeting.

I've made a conscious effort to do so because it means 'peace', and that is something I am not only constantly looking for in my own life, but also wish for others.

A fellow blogger informed me over dinner last week that a certain other blogger (of a leftist persuasion) considered me somewhat heavy-handed. On reflection, I recognize in that heavy handedness a lack of personal, inner harmony out of keeping with my profession of faith.

But I have come to accept that the search for such peace will take a lifetime, and I will not fully attain this side of my last breath. However, I feel the need to put out this blessing as a means of letting people know that, even though we may disagree, I desire only the best for all -- especially those who have enough intellectual and spiritual honesty to debate/discuss/ponder the lofty things that concern us all.

It is my sincere wish for everyone to experience the reality of the words in the traditional Judeo-Christian benediction cited below - myself included.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26 NIV)

Shalom!

- posted by The Drake @ 1:47 PM 0 comments

 
Intolerance
I heard a great comment from a radio preacher today on this subject.

"Truth is by definition intolerant."

Cool, huh?

I would also add exclusionary.

AND no amount of politically correct indoctrination, media bias, foot stomping or videotaped beheading is going to change that.

There is comfort in this.

Shalom!

- posted by The Drake @ 1:40 PM 0 comments

 
New Look
I had to change my template, since I am SOOOOO verbose, and the narrowness of the writing area in the old template was driving even me crazy!

BTW, I am nearing completion on my study of the 12-step programs and their place in the Church and hope to post my opinions on the whole matter ASAP.

Shalom!

- posted by The Drake @ 1:17 PM 1 comments

 
To Anonymous:
Three weeks ago I posted what basically amounted to a blogger's cry for help. I was depressed, caught up in sin, and becoming increasingly isolated by a sense of hopelessness surrounding my 'failure' to achieve the level of spiritual peace and contentment I felt I should have.

I received a couple of comments to this post, but one really pissed me off -- that of an anonymous lurker who basically took the typical posture of so many Christians I have known (and come to avoid) in my life -- that of a scolding parent.

Anonymous felt it was his (I'm assuming gender based on some of his comments) place to give me spiritual kick in the butt by telling me to stop focusing on myself so much. In his acute spiritual perception, Anonymous was able to evaluate my entire situation from what I said in my post and provide the answer to my despair. His keen insight penetrated to the core of my condition to identify sinful attitudes in my heart of which I was completely unaware and pointed me to a solution which I hadn't even considered.

I'm being sarcastic, of course.

I was foolish enough to respond in my hurt, angry, despondent state that his comments reminded me more of my abusive, critical, biological dad than what little hope I was feeling in my gracious, holy, forgiving and loving Heavenly Father. To any observers out there, it must've been obvious that I had an axe to grind. The really funny part of that encounter to me was the part of his response where he asked if I was raising my kids as God would have me. What? Are you kidding me? I'm wallowing in a dung heap of near-suicidal despair, and this yahoo wants to know whether I'm parenting well? What do you say to something like that? "Geez, I doubt it, I guess I should really get up from this existential crisis and look into that"?

It must be an example of God's mysterious ways, but I found this exchange so ridiculously funny that I began to feel better. Now, three weeks later, I am fully emerging from my self-described 'funk' and feel the need to delve a bit deeper into my thoughts, feelings and history with Anonymous, whom I've met so many times, in so many places during my journey towards completion in Christ over the past 25 years.

I need to acknowledge two things before I launch into this. First, Anonymous spoke much truth. The path out of depression (or any form of funk or distress) is found in turning our focus from ourselves and our perceived needs towards God in an attitude of humility, confession, repentance, gratitude, and service to others -- especially those in our family. Second, I DO have a bit of resentment built up over the years towards those like Anonymous who choose to express those truths without regard to the real pain, frustration and difficulty people have making that shift in focus.

Here is an example. Anyone who's read my blog knows that I left the Church in anger over the circumstances surrounding my second divorce. My feelings of betrayal were so profound and deep, that I just said "fuck it" and went on to make as much money and sleep with as many women as possible. There was nothing that any self-righteous christian could have done, but there was plenty that certain Christians whom I loved dearly could have done -- to soften my heart. But it was not in God's plan, apparently. And so down the path of hedonism I eagerly ran.

However, I never outran the nagging tug of the Holy Spirit on my heart reminding me that I belonged rightfully to Christ, and that I would never know joy, peace or contentment by living in this manner. All I really succeeded in doing was saddling myself with a terrific amount of baggage and cravings that would be ever more difficult to discard in an attempt to return to the Christian life. My recent downturn is ample evidence of that.

There were several points along the way when I began to long to return to the Church, not unlike the moment in the parable of the Prodigal Son, when he 'came to his senses'. One of those points came when I realized that the old guy who ran the cash register at the local golf course where I play was in fact a Christian who I knew from the first church I attended right after my salvation at age 19. We got to talking, and he mentioned that there was a Christian golf league running every week at the course. I thought to myself, "This could be the perfect opportunity to get back into some semblance of a spiritual walk." So I asked if there were any openings for me to join them.

The first thing out of his mouth was, "Are you regularly attending church?" The very first thing! Seriously. And when I admitted that I wasn't, he said, "Well, that's one of the rules. You can't be in the league unless you're a member of a church."

Well, doesn't that just about fucking sum it up?

Anonymous protested in his last comment that Christians don't kill their wounded. Bullshit! They would if they could. Fortunately, my spiritual life or death is not in their control.

The message this golf course guy, Anonymous, and so many others who sit so prim and proper in church pews every week is this: conform and you will be accepted; bleed on the carpet, and you will be ejected.

People who call themselves Christian yet come at you like Anonymous or the golf course guy or some of the people who tossed me out of their lives ten years ago don't reflect the character of Christ or the love of the Father. They seem to want to exercise an undue amount of control over your behavior, feelings and responses to the shit in your life.

Why?

I believe it's because your conformity to their expected standard of behavior is necessary to prop up their denial that they've got it all covered, their obsessive need to live a neat and tidy life in a neat and tidy world where the lines between the saved and the damned are clearly visible.

They are like the friends of Job, who came intially to comfort him in his distress but ultimately could not endure the inexplicable nature of his devastation and started hassling him to confess his sin to God and die already. They are like the disciples when they asked Jesus whose sin was the cause of a man being born blind: his or his parents. If you don't put on a happy face for these folks and play the game their way, they go to work on you.

They are the people who don't get that every sin you and I have ever committed or ever will commit was nailed to the Cross with Jesus, that He carried them down into the depths of Hell, flung them at the feet of the Evil One, and said, "These will not keep my Beloved from knowing the Love of the Father."

They are the people who think they represent God when they wag their finger at you like a scolding parent over your faults, failures, lack of faith, and general unwillingness to appease their lust for 'justice'. Jesus said "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled."

I don't think He was talking about this.

I believe with all my heart that every time a 'Christian' uses the teachings of Jesus to kick a vulnerable, hurting person in the teeth while they're down, Jesus weeps.

Anonymous, I don't know you, and I don't judge you. In fact, I'm not really even addressing the flesh and blood person who wrote those comments on my blog, but rather the widespread mentality among the Church in America reflected in those comments.

Romans 5:8 says: "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." All of us who name the Name of Christ need to remind ourselves daily what that means before we start saying things like, "You are selfish!" or "You are suffering because of your sins!"

I've been blessed to find brothers and sisters in recent months who, while not perfect, are honest enough to realize that my struggles with attitudes and behaviors are not some airborne toxin that will contaminate them into a state of damnation. They help me see that God really does care for me, and hurts when I stray onto the path of self-destruction. It's odd that I've met most of them at the 12-step program.

Or is it?

I will close with the following passage from Galatians (Chapter 6:1-5). I hope the point is self-evident.
"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load."

Shalom!

- posted by The Drake @ 1:02 PM 2 comments

 
Neo-Orthodoxy and The 12 Steps
Well, I'm back from the depths of depression (long story - don't ask - maybe I'll write about it later), and I'm ready to start stirring up the muck at the bottom of the pond.

As I've mentioned here on at least a couple of occasions, I consider myself to be a big-time addict and have been attending a weekly 12-step program at my church. Last night, during the discussion period, I realized that our program materials attribute the authorship of the Serenity Prayer to Reinhold Niebuhr. "Wait a minute!" I thought. "Wasn't Niebuhr one of the leading theologians in the school of Neo-Orthodoxy?"

Now for those of you who didn't realize this until just this moment, I have a head stuffed full of such generally useless trivia. However, I tend not to remember all of the pertinent details for such things, so after I put myself out there and described Neo-Orthodoxy for my fellow group members -- most of whom work in the trades and tend not to question what is put in front of them by the 'church leadership' -- I decided that I'd better make sure I wasn't just delivering 'a sharp blast of wind' to quote my newly remembered hero, Martin Luther.

Whew! A quick Google search confirmed my memories of my Humanities lessons at good ol' Geneva College. Neo-Orthodoxy is a system of 'Christian' theology that has produced many wonderful sounding sentiments, such as the Serenity Prayer, but is an insidious evil that seeks to erode the believer's confidence in the veracity and inerrancy of the Holy Scriptures.

Among the beliefs attributed to Mr. Niebuhr:

"Creation is a mythical idea which cannot be fully rationalized."

"...we do not believe in the virgin birth, and we have difficulty with the physical resurrection of Christ. We do not believe, in other words, that revelatory events validate themselves by a divine breakthrough in the natural order...This pinnacle of faith has no support from miraculous facts in history."

Moreover, Niebuhr held to the view that Jesus the person embodied an ideal of moral perfection in His Life and road to the Cross, but denied His divinity -- even going so far as to state that Christ must have had a sinful nature, since He was tempted in all points as the rest of us.

What's the point of this? Simply that I have become very concerned about the Church's current embrace of the Recovery Movement as a particular point of ministry within an ever-increasing number of congregations in our country. While AA and various other recovery groups have always had a loose association with Christian churches, the evangelical church has only recently begun to actively appropriate recovery principles into its vision of ministry. The program used at our church is referred to as 'Bible-based' recovery and makes an attempt (poorly, in my opinion) to re-formulate the twelve steps into eight principles based on the Beatitudes.

However, the 12-steps were themselves drawn from an understanding of the Bible in the early part of the 20th century by a loose aggregation of evangelicals in Britain and the US known as the Oxford Group. Bill W. and Dr. Bob, the founders of the original AA fellowship formalized at least 10 of the 12 steps directly from the writings and teachings of this group, but perverted that group's commitment to non-denominationalism to an implicit denial of the Christian faith as the one, true way to a sober and abundant life.

I've printed out about 30 pages of material from the 'Net to study on the origins of AA, the Oxford Group and the adoption of recovery programs by the Christian Church, so I've not completely formulated a position. However, the following concerns about the incorporation of recovery programs into the life of the Church are pre-eminent in my mind:

1. Is sufficiency of Christ's salvation and the Ministry of the Holy Spirit in the lives of those struggling with addiction is being compromised? There seems to be an implicit message that the traditional disciplines, sacraments and fellowship of the Christian life are not enough to bring an addict to a place of healing and lifelong sobriety. Something more is needed, and recovery programs offer it.

2. There are widely accepted assumptions about addiction and co-dependency that offer an addicted believer a refuge from personal responsibility for their actions and choices. Alcoholism/addiction is widely regarded as a disease, both by lay and professional people. This tends to give addiction an increased power over its victim. The message of "choose this day whom you will serve" tends to be replaced by one of forbearance for the ongoing sinful choices of the unrepentant. Furthermore, there seems to be a proliferation of 'new' addictions cropping up every day. Overeating, excessive TV watching, people pleasing, gambling, anger and a host of other behavioral problems are now being brought to the 12-step party. The net effect being to give sinners wiggle room regarding repentance of their vices as they 'recover'.

3. The inclusion of a 12-step 'ministry' into the life of a local church creates a very uncomfortable separation between the 'normals' and the '12-steppers'. It also ceases to be anonymous. Once you are identified as participating in the 'program', you can count on polite, interested and well meaning inquiries into "what it's like" and "how it's going". I speak from experience here. Once in a while, a 'normal' comes to a meeting -- maybe because they are truly struggling with an issue or maybe just to find out who's going. Most of the time, they don't come back. And there is a sense that they are very happy that they don't have to deal with you and your problems -- that there is a place where you can be dealt with out of sight and apart from the typical Sunday morning charade. Sorry, there's a bit of cynicism showing in that last comment.

4. The isolation of people who are willing to confront their demons publicly and share intimately and honestly their struggles to overcome them with others deprives the total church body of the opportunity to do what Christ has called us to do -- bear one another's burdens without compromising on the call to holy living in the lives of each and every Christian. It is also very difficult to overcome the shame often associated with addictions and co-dependency. The message discussed in point 1 hits home hard, and the sense that you are somehow different, more sinful, less acceptable can eat away at the core of hope necessary to sustain healing faith. It feels a bit like being in Special Ed for Christians -- you are separated and can come to feel inferior from those who call themselves your brothers in Christ, but will not walk with you in this pain and shame you feel. We had a psychologist speak to us two weeks ago who referred to addiction as "sin super-sized". Thanks a lot!

The bottom line here for me is that both Neo-Orthodoxy and most -- if not all -- mainstream 12-step programs offer a counterfeit faith that promises relief and freedom to hurting people. While it cannot be denied that many people have been helped by AA and its descendants, I wonder if the Church compromises its place in this society -- its essential mission in our culture -- by so openly embracing the 12 Steps in some of the ways I have witnessed.

Well, I've gone as far as I can tonight. As I study this issue further, I will share whatever God shows me.

In the meantime, comments and insights are always welcome.

Shalom!

- posted by The Drake @ 10:05 PM 0 comments