Low Rumblings Heard in the Distance
1. I've been experiencing a new brand of sorrow over the past couple of days. It's differentiated by the utter lack of accompanying despair. Neither is shame a prominent feature in how I'm feeling. What I've come to is the naked realization that I need to re-orient myself back to the Lord in a new way. This is because, after allowing the disappointments of 2005 to discourage me and drop virtually all of my spiritual activities from my daily routine, my life has suddenly shown up.

And I'm just not prepared to fully enjoy all that it has to offer. I've been stupidly bitter and defiant, lashing out at God, D, and the church, letting the development of my friendships lapse, and compromising my health and effectiveness because I've been so pissed off that what I did in 2004 didn't prompt God to prevent my ongoing problems with D and addiction, or the death of my father without a reconciliation having taken place. I'm still not happy about any of it, and I continue to wonder why is it that I have to take such a hard road?

Then my son comes to live with me, and now I'm beginning to understand. After living fifteen years under the roof of someone who emphasized empathy over discipline, the kid is largely lacking in life skills. At the same time, I can't swing the pendulum to the opposite end of the spectrum and run a concentration camp for the boy. Neither can be emphasized over the other, but neither can either be left out of the mix. But I am finding myself unprepared to make the incessantly demanded decisions the boy is looking for me to make, so that he can have the base of stability and love to do well with this second chance.

Yet even as I reflect on the significance of him getting the best start on his second chance, I am comforted by the innumerable number of chances God has given me to start over and enjoy my life as His servant. If you just look at the number of times D and I have started over in the space of just over three years, we're close to double figures. My own personal tally has to be in the thousands.

So I begin yet again, wrestling with a renewed awareness of just how important the stakes are, and how short the time is, for staying the course day after day.

2. Li'l D (that's the boy) has begun to set his sights on playing football. He and a couple of his new friends are participating in weight training under the supervision of the coaching staff. It appears that Li'l D has impressed both his phys ed teacher and peers with his athletic prowess in gym class. A couple of his friends have personally told me that he's made some nice grabs playing football. In addition, our school district consistently makes the state finals in football, having won at least twice in the past ten years.

This opens up a world of opportunities for LD. Unlike his previous school district, which plays athletics in the largest classification, his new school is in the smallest, giving him and his unique abilities a higher visibility and desirability to the coaching staff. For such a small district to have had such success at the state level speaks to the quality of man running the program. Apparently, there are severe consequences for violating this man's work ethic. The word is out that if you're a discipline problem or aren't keeping up on your schoolwork, he's not going to waste his time trying to put you on the field. I've told LD that he needs to do all that he can to impress this guy, and he'll get his chance to shine. If he does, then he will possibly have the option to go to college on scholarship.

For my part, I am near overwhelmed with both the possibilities for him and the awesome feeling of responsibility for getting really involved in facilitating his development of work habits and team attitude. This gets back to the first item, which is why I'm obsessing so much over it. Again, the stakes -- my son's future -- are just too huge.

3. I've downloaded a U2 mix onto my iPod, which means I've been listening to about 2/3 of their catalog over the past two days. I'm convinced more than ever that this music should be played and sung in a worship/celebration of God context by people who just not content to fake it anymore. I order a couple of books that have been put out about them, including a book of sermons based on their music. I'm still not sure why so many evangelicals turn their noses up at them, but I am here to say that Bono is the Martin Luther of our time. In that declaration, I'm only speaking about his role as a hymn writer, not as a great reformational theologian. Athough I'm starting to believe that his work for Africa may go down as one of the great movements to inspire and motivate Christian compassion in action.

More to come on this subject. I am in the process of culling the U2 catalog for cuts that could be easily demonstrated to be worship tunes.

4. Until the USA demonstrates as much willingness to insert itself into the atrocities occurring in the Sudan, anyone who uses the 'just war' argument to rationalize our policies in Iraq, will only get a snort of disdain from me in reply. Not that I object to the war's objectives. Far from it. I just would prefer that we be honest and open up a debate about extending this policy to places, such as the Sudan, where the ONLY benefit of an American intervention would be the liberation of an oppressed people. The choice to act in Iraq is just as much strategic for us, as it is humanitarian for the Iraqi people. The proximity of Iran makes it vital that we establish a normative, diplomatic presence in Iraq while we have the chance. The slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Sudanese Christians makes it vital that those of us of faith continue to give them a voice in this world -- especially to our own government.
- posted by The Drake @ 8:12 AM