1.23.2006
Just Say No?
It turns out the boy is now going to a school where a lot of pot smoking is going on. This isn't really a surprise, but it got onto his mother's radar by virtue of his poor judgement in taking his younger brother into his confidences and said brother's reaction and propensity to tell his mother everything. So, of course, now I'm being given a clear message that I need to make sure that the boy doesn't get sucked into a life of drug addiction and ruin -- with the subtext being that I should know how that feels, seeing as how I've fucked up my life so much with the evil ganja. Meanwhile, I'm thinking in the back of my mind, "Hmmmm, I wonder if one of his friends could hook me up?"
She doesn't want me to tell him that the brother has gone to her, or that she knows, but that's out. The boy knows all about my current state -- which is three weeks' since last toke, but ready to grab another pinch for stress management purposes -- so I'm not going to play the hypocrite.
Instead, we talk about things. I tell him that I don't want him coming back on his brother for going to his mother. He assures me that he's not using, and I believe him. He tells me about a drunk he had with two of his buddies while he was still living with his mother, and how the results were not worth the risk. I believe him, because he's not showing me any real signs that he's either using or trying to sneak around on me. I decide that's the best I can hope for in this situation and tell him that I have only one rule: if he decides to try it, he has to do it with me. At least we can talk through it, and maybe seeing me stupid will turn him off.
But I have serious reservations about this approach. I don't want to condone him using, because the risks of long-term issues are definitely there. My whole family tree is filled with addicts and alcoholics, so I make sure to tell him that he is at greater risk than the average person. That he has no idea what his first experience will trigger in him in terms of an uncontrollable desire to reproduce that feeling, and that he could be doomed to a lifetime of consequences and struggles wrestling with that demon. Just like me. But he's a teen-aged boy, and fears little, knowing nothing of loss and grief. Not entirely true, as I know he feels deeply the effects of my divorce to his mom.
On the other hand, knowing that he's going to face this temptation constantly over the next three years, I would rather be in the loop than fighting a losing battle trying to control his behavior, who he hangs out with, or what he can do socially. The key word here is control. I'm not trying to imply that I intend to wash my hands of the issue, but that I would rather figure out a way to influence his behavior in a way that is both positive and has a decent likelihood of succeeding with a teenager. To that end, I choose to trust him to operate within that single requirement on this issue, while continuing to try and keep the communication going. But I need to stand strong in my own battles with the lure to medicate, if I am to have credibility for making the case for him to abstain.
- posted by The Drake @ 1:25 PM
Comments:
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What I personally think is the strongest argument against marijauna/acid is that they are mind altering in a way that alcohol isn't. Having used them, one can never know if the things that come up in one's head are the things that would have come up anyway, or if they are the after-effects of having taken drugs. Am I myself, or am I changed? That is on occasion a very frightening thing.
I agree with that to a point. I took acid a lot when I was a teenager, and did so only after doing a lot of research into the whole arena of pyschedelic drugs and the writings of Havelock Ellis, Aldous Huxley, Timothy Leary, et al. Understanding how the drugs work is a real key to differentiating between the effects, getting at your concerns.
Part of what you experience has to do with the chemical effects of the drug itself, but a larger part has to do with what you take into the experience.
For example, every time I smoke weed after taking a break, I spend hours dwelling on where I am on my spiritual journey, as well as on things that I am concerned with at the moment. Every home improvement project I've done has been inspired and fueled by smoking weed. To a certain extent. I had the desire and saw the need to get the work done, but for whatever reason, it took me getting high to rev up the engine, focus my creativity, and push worries and other distractions aside.
However, I am much more productive without it. I concentrate on details better.
Anyway, I haven't found myself changed by using, but I do believe that certain things do come up that would otherwise remain suppressed - by virtue of fear, lack of faith, whatever.
I've found that occasional drug use crystallizes in my mind who I am.
Unfortunately, that illumination is not a black and white thing. I am a believer in Christ, touched by grace and deeply affected by what I've been taught, but I am also a self-centered, gratification-seeking, angry, aloof addict.
Word verification word - miaddza. Zoom zoom.
Part of what you experience has to do with the chemical effects of the drug itself, but a larger part has to do with what you take into the experience.
For example, every time I smoke weed after taking a break, I spend hours dwelling on where I am on my spiritual journey, as well as on things that I am concerned with at the moment. Every home improvement project I've done has been inspired and fueled by smoking weed. To a certain extent. I had the desire and saw the need to get the work done, but for whatever reason, it took me getting high to rev up the engine, focus my creativity, and push worries and other distractions aside.
However, I am much more productive without it. I concentrate on details better.
Anyway, I haven't found myself changed by using, but I do believe that certain things do come up that would otherwise remain suppressed - by virtue of fear, lack of faith, whatever.
I've found that occasional drug use crystallizes in my mind who I am.
Unfortunately, that illumination is not a black and white thing. I am a believer in Christ, touched by grace and deeply affected by what I've been taught, but I am also a self-centered, gratification-seeking, angry, aloof addict.
Word verification word - miaddza. Zoom zoom.
Oh, I was a very aware and goal oriented drug user too. I guess whatever one has for inclination straight defines how one is high, too. I didn't mean that my experiences confused me or something. I mean rather that the levels of awareness or insight or unpleasantness that arise later in life are hard to follow/investigate/confront wholeheartedly if you're afraid they are creations of your own mind because of what you've exposed it to rather than levels/means of spiritual growth.
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