5.02.2005
Weekend Wrap Up
Today is my first official day as a full-time employee here in Fortune 500 land. The morning got off to a rough start when my card wouldn't work at the gate of the parking lot, got a little bit worse when I found out that the vending machine on my floor that dispenses the nectar called Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice was out of order, and reached a low point when I realized that my HR orientation is booked through lunchtime. Hopefully, they will be supplying something, but something tells me not to expect it.
The weekend, however, was yet another huge example of God's grace working in my life. D. and I had been on the outs for well over a month now, ever since the debacle surrounding the paying of our (my) income tax, and which found me coming home to a roomful of packed boxes three weekends ago. I, in turn, responded by informing her that I would surrender the house for foreclosure in the event that she left -- my only real option in my current Chapter 13 state. She grudgingly stayed, but things have been horrible ever since.
This past week has been particularly difficult for me, as I prayed -- at times through tears -- every morning on my drive to work for grace to respond to D. in a Christ-like manner. And every night, something would push my buttons and I'd either lose it or go off and be by myself.
At the same time, we've been participating in the 40 Days of Purpose in our church. This week's readings have all been about being part of the Body of Christ and fellowship, with particular application to individual relationships. In addition to my constant failures to consistently apply these teachings, I've been very vocal with D. about the need for BOTH of us to get on board or continue to suffer needlessly. We had a couple of bedtime discussions where we took opposite sides of the arguments. No big surprise in my experience, but for us to disagree on these fundamental propositions was mind-boggling to me. The first night, I made the statement that we have to come to the end of ourselves in order to be truly changed by God. The second one was right from the book, A Purpose Driven Life. This is a paraphrase, but the gist of it was that conflict was the pathway to true intimacy. That one she really couldn't get.
Friday morning on the drive to work, I became convinced that I was guilty of unforgiveness towards D., and that much of my recent reactivity was a result of accruing a bunch of little hurts from her over the past several weeks. The teaching program I was listening to made the point that the only reason that Christians don't have abundant joy, zeal and energy for living the Life is sin, and I quickly realized that my biggest besetting sin was angry outbursts born of a prideful and unforgiving spirit.
So I wrote D. an email, reciting an example of a recent tiff we'd had, and had been going on with me prior to, during and afterwards. I asked her forgiveness, and told her that I forgave her and would continue to try and demonstrate Christ's love.
I also told her that my study, prayers and circumstances convinced me that I was on the right path with the Lord, and that I wanted her to walk with me more than anything.
She was unable to formulate a reply and wouldn't talk about that night.
Saturday we had a long, long talk where we went around and around the same old arguments about why she thought we shouldn't be together. But this time, I was doing more than saying that God hated divorce and that obedience was the only way. The Lord had convinced me to regard these trials and conflicts as a blessing and a challenge from Him. An opportunity to grow and truly experience His Grace. There were tears on both sides, and finally D. became so angry about the whole inescapability of the truth that she just shut down and left the house for an hour or so.
That night we went to our 40 Days small group, and heard testimony from other members about how God used their own trials to bring them closer to God and their spouses. D.'s face began to flush, and afterwards she asked me for a hug. Compassion and warmth flooded into me as I embraced her, and I knew that God's Hand was heavy on her.
Sunday morning we got into the 3rd Purpose sermon, which is that we are meant to be like Christ. At one point, the pastor said something that I knew would hit D. right where she was living. My neck muscles had barely twitched when I heard her whispering into my ear, "Don't you DARE look at me!" It was so funny that I had to control myself not to disrupt the sermon with my guffawing. It was then that I knew she was back.
When we can joke with each other about our own weaknesses and not keep trying to pick out each other's, we can be very happy together. The rest of the day was relaxed and fun. We went out the the new Red Robin. I played catch with one of the boys and did some work in the yard. We had steak on the grill and watched a movie together.
I woke up today tired, but grateful to have had yet another opportunity to see the grace and power of my God in action.
Shalom!
- posted by The Drake @ 7:30 AM
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Praise God. It is always so great when both people just give up the anger and pride. Such a release.
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