The Veil Rent
I met with my pastor last night to discuss some struggles I've been having lately. He trotted out an old chestnut I'd not heard in a while, as pastors are wont to do. He reminded me that what you feed grows, and what you starve dies. That principle is so true for the subject at hand.

I used to listen to Howard Stern every morning on my drive into work. I started listening to him about 3 years ago, and after an initial dislike, became a fan. I thought he was funny and honest. I still do. The reason that I no longer listen to Howard Stern is not because I think him evil, but because after I returned to the Church and began to study the Word of God and pray, I realized I was fighting against myself. The humor presented on the show is mean-spirited, and I had become influenced in that direction over the course of my listening. This spirit was in opposition with the Spirit of God, to whom I was trying to subject myself.

I choose to starve my own mean-spiritedness and try to feed my soul with radio programs from the Christian station. I do not miss Howard Stern, and I call people names a lot less often.

I struggle with watching too much TV, while my family craves my attention. It is a form of escape. From what, I'm not totally sure. Recently, I have been choosing to turn off the TV (except for Sunday football) in order to spend time with my wife and children. Or to do stuff around the house that makes the wife happy.

I am a big fan of naked women, but that has obvious drawbacks. So I try and stay away from porn, especially on the Internet.

I am a self-centered, inclined to self-destruction, want-to-be-pleased individual. This state of being is contrary to my stated goals as a believer and wannabe follower of Jesus Christ. Every day I struggle with conflicting desires to serve God and my own self-serving agenda. My likelihood of succeeding in my walk with Christ depends on two things: His Hand at work to protect and guide me through this conflict I have in myself, and my choices to feed my soul and starve my selfishness.

To diminish this struggle and the experience of grace by eliminating the element of personal choice from the societal equation misses the point. Most people don't want to give up their agendas. I often don't, despite my belief in Christ.

It's difficult to find Christians in this culture living compelling lives. In other parts of the world people are being persecuted, hunted down and killed for simply believing that Jesus of Nazareth is the Savior of the World. And we in America are playing politics with the Lord's teachings.

It just doesn't make sense.

- posted by The Drake @ 10:24 AM