DRAKE:

This whole verbose passage is quite interesting. I was truly astonished by some of the incidents. You certainly know how to get a blog freaking blogging.

Man - how are you doing today? I wonder what it is like in your shoes. Even your sons. Shit - D or V for that matter.

You should come to dinner at my house. Perhaps you might not be as hard on yourself.

You see - no one is perfect. And I do not beleive your strive to this. God is still with you. Your past abandonment is gone. Let it go and get on with it. So you did not mend fences with your dad. you cant help that now.

So get on with this already. Work on what you want. I just dont think you hvae a clue what it is that you do want.

Perhaps some lovin from D. Cant see he coming back to the burgh though.

One thing is for sure - God is with you and YOU will get through this mess with HIS help. Recall "Footsteps" at all??

You are being carried right now. Into the path of righteousness.

You get off the shit. Drugs kill. Gods loves you and you will be fine.

Aint no one the Lord will reject. No me or you. Fight the fight and cry when you have to. But you must continue the walk in HIS name.

Later:

Job
 

Job, is it? Great handle, great story.

I think it's just me, but I always get a little unnerved by anonymous posters who seem to be professing Christians in real life.

I was intrigued by your comment that I should come to your house for dinner. I'm assuming that you are having struggles of your own in your family. I think I would actually enjoy such an encounter, regardless of the messy details.

I sincerely believe that if more Christians would open up their lives to each other, the whole world would be a better place.

I think that because for every Christian such as myself, who is willing to openly confess his sin and shame, there are a hundred who play the game of external appearances and don't ever get to the core reality of our lives. That we are vile, dirty sinners who are powerless to live any other way without God's help.

It's hard to live honestly, when it means that I have to face just how fucked up and intentionally evil I am most of the time.

My friend K, the one from the 12-step ministry who reached out to me on Monday, was willing to dive as much into his own shit and listen to me dive into mine.

Something happens when that kind of mutual openness and honesty is taking place that is totally different from my usual experience with well-intentioned, but essentially dishonest brothers in Christ. Cliches just die on the lips. There are no easy answers to pronounce on the poor sap before when you realize that you, too, are a poor sap.

The Book of Ecclesiastes gets at this a bit:

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Ch. 4, v. 9,10)

Shared pain = shared solutions.

But all too often, Christians feel like they have to pretend to have all the answers and just end up making the other person feel worse.

K. said something interesting in affirming my decision to confess the goings-on to V. He said, "We have guilt for a reason, and it's a good thing."

While I would whole-heartedly agree with that statement, I would also say that there is a fine line between guilt and shame, and that shame is the enemy of healing and grace.

Shame causes us to hide and pretend that we are what we are not, lest we be found out and exposed for what we are.

So why should I lie about what I am feeling, what I want, or what I have done? That's not getting me any closer to a better life, is it?